Men and boys, like the 3 Musketeers, are shining, sharpening and charging their bows & arrows at me for the unspeakable I did last week, breaking the precious Bro Code and spilling a few beans here and there about boys’ little dark dating tricks they wouldn’t want poor sisters to know, ever. Forgive me, gentlemen and gentle boys. I shouldn’t have pulled the rug out from under my bros like that. But, as it is said, “When you know better, you do better.” So, for anyone still in the dark about the Bro Code, this is for you, so you don’t make the grave mistake I made. Consider it a crash course in bro etiquette, and don’t @ me if you’re still confused afterwards. D mode activated. Vrooooom…
The infamous story of Tiger Woods and Rory Sabbatini, his best friend? Yeah, that’s a classic example of what happens when you break the Bro Code. But if you don’t know the story, here it is: back in the day, Tiger Woods…oh I haven’t introduced him yet. Well, Tiger Woods is that famous golfer; Look him up.
So, as I was saying, Tiger was married to his wife, Elin—yeah, I’m skipping surnames—and Rory, his close friend cum fellow golfer, did a thing that we could say was uhm a little-nothing: he started hooking up with Mia Parnevik, who just happened to be Woods’ wife’s best friend. Woodboy wasn’t impressed and flushhhhh, friendship into toilet! Reason: Bro Code got violated.
Seems Bro Code is a very serious matter after all. Hell, it is. This Bro Code thing, something we see on social media every day, is a sacred thing among men and young men’s circles, and it’s about promoting respect; respect for one another’s relationship boundaries, respect for one another’s secrets, and respect for one another’s ridiculous antics. You heard me right.
Bro Code Explained with Examples
This is why the first and most sacred tenet of the Bro Code is: Bros Before Hoes. Never choose a girl’s needs over a bro’s. Never, ever, under any circumstances, betray the trust of a fellow bro. This means keeping secrets, covering each other’s backs, and never, ever, sleeping with a bro’s girl or ex. I mean, come on, that’s just basic bro etiquette. And he doesn’t have to be your brother for real; your friend, your bestie, a member of your pack, and the like all count as bros.
Picture this, though—what happens when your bro’s girl comes to you and says she’s only dating him to get access to you? Not because she loves him, but because you’re cooler, taller, or even sexier than poor bro. Or what if she outright tells you that Bro is no Samson in bed? Yeah, that’s a tough spot to be in, Chairman!
On one hand, you’re flattered that she’s interested in you. On the other hand, you don’t want to betray your bro’s trust. The Bro Code says you should always prioritize your bro’s feelings over the girl’s. But is that fair to you?
What if you and the girl actually make a good match? What if you low-key have the hots for her, yet bro is just messing around with her? Chew on that for a moment before I hit you with this fact: girls don’t care about the Bro Code. Their version—the Sister Code—is so different that they have no problem dating within their boyfriends’ circles.
But that won’t save you from the blows coming your way a few moments later. That’s just how the Bro Code works. Your grandpa didn’t invent it.
And don’t even think about swooping in to date bro’s ex, even discreetly. That’s just a low blow, bro. Repeat after me: bro’s ex is out of bounds.
Next, what happens when a bro confides in you about his gal, ex, or any other sensitive stuff? Or when he gives you a pass to smash a girl he has finished? Legends are laughing. Now, that’s where Article 3 works: Never Rat Out a Bro. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. What happens with a bro, stays with a bro.
The code demands that you keep your mouth super-glue shut and your ears rabbit-open, never betraying a bro’s confidence or revealing his secrets.
When you bump into his ex on the streets, you’ve got to report trash about her, along the lines of “I saw Yvonne today but, bro, she is doing bad since the breakup. She kinda looks like a Bianca Censori type.” Bro will be confused but congrats—you have passed the test.
Say this even if you think Yvonne looks like a supermodel because when they get back together, bro won’t tell her you said she looked like trash. You only mentioned Bianca Censori. Thanks😊.
This law also includes, but is not limited to, not telling his girlfriend about him being a disciple of Best Hotel Busega, or a Gloria Buggie fan; or having a battalion of back-up girlfriends on the sides.
When you, bro and his girlfriend are at the table, kindly be his PR. Talk about him like he’s John the Baptist—or Saint John—one of those two Johns.
If bro gives you a pass to smash “that ex who said my feet reek like sardines,” it’s just a one-time revenge affair. Don’t even think about dating her—you’re manufacturing bad blood with no expiry date.
Be that guy who, when bro’s girl calls, “Hey, Pete. Have you seen Joe? He won’t pick up my calls,” replies, “Yeah, he’s here with me at this bungee jumping thing. He just took his jump, so technically, he’s in the sky where the network is bad.”
Say this even if you know Bro is chilling with the babies. And don’t forget to call him so your stories match!
But keeping secrets is just one-third of being a good bro. Sometimes, a bro needs more than secrecy—he needs support. That’s where Article 4 comes in: Bros Support Bros.
In times of need, a bro must step up—whether it’s helping him move, lending him cash, or giving him a shoulder to cry on. The Bro Code demands that you be there for your bro.
Unless, of course, he’s being a total tool. In that case, you’re allowed to give him a hard time and talk behind his back. Just kidding, bro. Sort of
But what happens when a bro is being a total tool? What if he’s selfish, lazy, or just plain annoying?
That’s where Article 5 kicks in: Bros Keep It Real. If a bro is acting up, you must call him out—not in a mean-spirited way, but in a way that’s constructive and helpful. The Bro Code is about supporting and uplifting each other, not tearing each other down.
If Bro is being a knucklehead, cheating on a girl who worships him, or sleeping around without CDs, pull him aside and give him a piece of your mind. He’ll thank you later.
The Bro Code can be both fair and unfair to the bro following it.
On one hand, it creates security and loyalty among bros. On the other hand, it can be restrictive, forcing bros to prioritize their relationships with each other over others.
And what about the girlfriends? It’s unfair to them, too. Think about it: If a bro’s ex-girlfriend is interested in one of his friends, the Bro Code says the friend should reject her advances, no matter what. That’s not exactly fair, is it?
I mean, give to others what you won’t eat. The fact that she’s living in a web of lies spun by the strong bond between her boyfriend and his friends? That’s appalling.
Bro Code’s other drawback is that it can perpetuate a culture of toxic masculinity, where men feel pressured to conform to masculine norms and suppress their emotions and vulnerabilities. This can lead to a range of negative outcomes, including increased aggression, depression, and anxiety. You know that “be a man” line, right?
Furthermore, the code can also create a sense of exclusivity and elitism, where men who do not adhere to the code are ostracized or marginalized—such men who believe that common sense and honesty should be paramount, as opposed to lies and cover-ups. Of course, these will be isolated.
One of the key advantages of the code, however, is that it provides a sense of belonging and identity for men. By adhering to a set of shared values and norms, men can feel part of a larger community, where they look out for each other.
But come to think of it, Jesus wouldn’t have died for our sins if Judas kept Bro Code.
Compiled by Mwesigwa Joshua
