For approximately 1.5 decades, I have experienced about 5 house helps in total. We were four kids growing up, two of whom are twins, double blessings, double trouble. A house help was needed to ease the load, and ease the load they did. As children, we saw them in their rawest form (when parents weren’t at home) and in their most refined states (when parents were at home).
As an adult, I now look back with a more critical eye. Each of those housemaids had their strengths and weaknesses that were more clearly defined by their age. This brings me to the three categories of household workers; the young, middle-aged and mature.
The Young (Underage Housemaids)
The Young ones normally range from 13 to 18 years of age (and sometimes below 13), are very energetic, often happy, carefree and innocent. If you have children, this age range is suitable because the children will have both a playmate and a helper. They are quick to learn because their minds are at the stage that absorbs information. They are also easy to correct.
I remember when I was about 4, we had a house help who was about 13 years old. She felt like an older sister; we ate together, played together, and even got spanked together. Because she was young, her workload was limited, and we, the children of the home, had to do some tasks too. She taught us how to wash plates and mop the floor, then how to dodge the ‘Kwepena’ ball when it was time to play. A full package.
On the other hand, these young ones can get really wild. Since they absorb things easily and readily, there’s a high chance they will be corrupted by those around them, often clinging to baseless rumours or truths that make no logical sense. Like ‘uncle, my friend said that if I take four of these tablets, the flu shall never return, so I took five just to be safe.’ Be mindful of this kind of ignorance.
Their playful nature often gets in the way of their responsibilities. While they are busy jumping the ‘bladda’ ropes, they won’t smell the beans burning till it’s too late. They will forget they had clothes to wash and a house to clean. Be keen to note that if you become too friendly with them, they may get overly friendly with you, which can sometimes lead to disrespect.
The young ones also tend to throw tantrums, so you will have a lot of emotions to deal with. This can lead to petty behaviours like sulking, mob salt in your food, deliberately ignoring you, or even random crying sessions. But because they are still children, it’s easier to discipline and correct them. Remember, they are children, so they should be treated like children. Be kind, but stern.
Regardless of all this, do we ever look at these children as children with rights…? These children have the right to education; do we ever consider their schooling? I’ll let these questions simmer, hopefully they won’t be burnt by the time I get back to them.
The Middle-Aged House Helpers
This category makes up the largest percentage of house helps in Ugandan households. They range from 19-40 years of age. Many already have children and families of their own, so they’re often assumed to have experience in taking care of families and even running a home. For the most part, they are definitely more mature than the young ones (though maturity is dependent on the individual, not just their age). Middle-aged househelps are generally mentally and physically capable of managing a household. Unlike those under 18, you should expect them to complete tasks fully and reliably.
The last maid I experienced as a child was in her late 20s, she loved her ‘Omena’ (silver fish), tolerated us the kids and dominated every space she occupied, especially the sitting room chairs. This lady, called Rose, was far from similar to the delicate flower she was named after. There was a time my mother came back home earlier than usual and found Rose sprawled on the couch with her feet on the armrest. Sweetest Rose did not even flinch, but instead casually exchanged greetings with my mom. Thereafter, even when both parents were at home, she took advantage of the luxury couches and TV screen, without the slightest regard or respect for the owners of the house.
Middle-aged house helps also lash out, but their anger is more intense. That’s where you have cases of violence, combining their personal stress, work stress and a child’s naturalness, all resulting in a torture session for the child/children in their care. Or even theft, one could decide to steal from you out of spite.
Oftentimes, because this category usually has a young family back in the village, they are very eager to get back to them. Sometimes it’s genuine, their child might be sick, or their husband is making a fuss about them working in Kampala. Other times, they use their family as an excuse to get away, probably to go see that person who promised them the moon and three suns, or simply leave your house because they are tired of the job. This group is known for unceremoniously leaving because, for some reason, they believe that if they approached their bosses with the request, it would be declined. My cousins lost a helper who had been with them for over 15 years because of this very reason. That’s why it’s important to make these helpers feel comfortable around you, enough for them to at least share their plans. Set boundaries, but don’t build the walls too high.
Lastly, many wives fear this group because of the threat they pose to their marriage. There have been cases in Uganda where husbands develop feelings for female house helps. As a result, some wives prefer hiring male workers to avoid such risks. Unfortunately, in such a scenario, the needs of the children in the home are often overlooked. If you have daughters, is it safe for them to live under the same roof as a male house help? Are your sons safe from inappropriate behaviour like bad touches or harmful influence? The same concern applies to female house helps too, because at the end of the day, no one is entirely trustworthy.
Before bringing someone into your home to work with and for you, take time to research them thoroughly. This helps you anticipate issues before they arise. Don’t overlook red flags or seemingly orange flags you stumble upon.
Mature House Helpers
The mature house helpers, whose age range is 40-60, are often seen as the most reliable of all the other categories. They have little to zero family obligations pulling them back home. As mothers and grandmothers, they understand how a household runs and have years of experience with children. Most times, they warm up to the kids easily, and the kids do the same with them.
Joy, a mother of three, says she prefers this category because of their maturity, and she believes that at this age, they will be much more to the kids than just a helper. She mentioned that she wants her kids to ‘call this lady grandma, so that they have a much deeper connection and respect for her.’ This does allow for the house help in this age range to feel valued, loved and appreciated, thus making her enjoy working with the family.
This group has its downsides as well. Mature house helps often carry a know-it-all attitude. If you’re newly married or a first-time mother, they may feel entitled to instruct you on how things should be done. Their years of experience make them believe their way is the right way. Even in the kitchen, you might prefer your beef cooked a certain way, but she’ll prepare it her own way. And if you bring it up, she’ll insist that her method is the proper one.
With this group, you’ll need to practise a good number of breathing exercises to manage your frustration. It’s also important to be firm and respectfully remind them that this is your household, not theirs. While their energy levels may not match those of the younger groups, you can expect tasks to be done thoroughly. And if you have timetables or routines in place, they’ll likely follow them to the dot.
Choosing the best Housemaid for your Home!
Getting the right person is no easy task. You might have done all the necessary research, and then ku ground your research becomes an outdated course, useless. The humble, God-fearing mother of one shouts at your kids louder than you and slaps them for spilling food while eating. The quiet 15-year-old has a higher body count than you, and the mature mother of five and grandmother of 7 is giving evil mother-in-law vibes. Some characters are hard to read, while others are easy to study and understand. Pick wisely, and if you can manage without a house help, do so.
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