Do not just tell individuals what they want to hear, or only just confirm their existing beliefs, rather, share new information that helps them question their assumptions and challenge their thoughts. The question to ask is whether what one believes they are going through is actually happening or it is all in their ‘guided’ imagination.
Journaling, writing about the stressful and traumatic gaslighting experiences, is another powerful tool that can be used as a therapeutic agent in the healing process. By putting down their observations, thoughts, and stories on paper, the individual gains clarity on not only what is actually happening, but also a deeper understanding of themselves.
According to a medically reviewed (Bethany Juby, Doctor of Psychology) article in Healthline,
“It is often easier to question yourself about an argument or discussion that happened days ago. Recording events immediately after they happen provides evidence you do not need to second-guess. Jotting down highlights from a conversation or using a smartphone app to record your argument offers something to review when your memory is called into question. You may not feel comfortable confronting the person, but your notes can help you recognize what is happening.’’
In a previous article Understanding Gaslighting: Manipulation Through Andrew’s Story, Andrew Mayinja shared what he went through during the lockdown. He described a traumatizing experience that was characterized by visual and audio cues that followed a consistent pattern and had him doubting his sanity.
Had the perpetrators ‘positively mobbed’ rather than gaslit Andrew, it would have turned out an empowering and uplifting experience rather than a traumatic one. Instead of laughing at Andrew repeatedly, they would have smiled and cheered him on, and rather than intentionally directed bits and pieces of provocative at him, they would have affirmed him with positive statements.
In some situations, the perpetrator and the victim have a rhythm to the gaslighting that is set off by particular triggers, and these triggers could range from diverse topics of conversation such as money, work, parenting, education or family.
And in other cases, it is a knee-jerk reaction to a particular set of behaviours exhibited by either party. Identifying these mutual triggers has a profound effect on diffusing the situation and breaking the cycle.
Recovery from gaslighting can be difficult, but you do not have to do it alone. Surrounding oneself with supportive family and trusted friends can empower them to overcome their traumatic experiences. Seeking professional help from trained professionals provides personalized strategies to heal from psychological distress.
It is essential to use available resources both offline and online to gain a deeper understanding of the tactics used in gaslighting and their effects. This knowledge helps you discern and deflect such manipulation in the future. The individual will gain a deeper understanding of their experiences and be better equipped to recognize and avoid manipulation in the future.
We should also be aware that on the journey to recovery, there is no hierarchy of hurt. A single raindrop on your verandah as it starts to pour may seem insignificant, but the collection and consistency of those raindrops over the years will eventually create a dent on that verandah. Similarly, every trauma deserves attention, no matter how “small” it might seem. Do not compare or belittle others’ experiences.
