I have been pondering heavily, and with a few teardrops, on something: the many men behind bars for defilement. I keep asking myself a fundamental question: What if many of them are victims of juvenile seduction? This idea felt so important that I had to water down my usual not-so-friendly vocabulary into clear and easy-to-understand words.

It’s all enveloped in the vernacular saying: Ebbugumu ly’ekivubuka likakanyizibwa na biwuka. Very deep something there. Two minutes for you to look up its meaning…

See, I spent most of my boyhood reading the chronicles of… not Narnia, the chronicles of the Old Fox Tom Rush (the man who boasted of living a life that most people just dream of), and Harry Sagara (alias Saggy, the man from whom many borrow the goatee appearance), and Kanaabe of the ‘My campus Girlfriend’ fame, and much later when I was a little older, Barbara Kimeye’s Moses series. These are tales that will suck the wind out of your lungs, in a way of amusement.

The nostalgia from these folks’ works has got me thinking about how they portrayed their tragic relations with the female members of our species. Kanaabe, for instance, laid before our eyes how his life tumbled the very moment that he ventured into the business of dating what-was-her-name: that underage campus girl; and, if my memory serves me right, he ended up a locked fella. Ah, so many stories there are to tell.

Bottom line: if you get too friendly with these so-many-like-ants contemporary Kampala underage girls, my brother, you will know exactly why nobody can stop reggae in the moment when double lines appear on that HIV test kit, or you just might be the next Nalufenya convict when defilement charges get slapped on your silly face.

Here is the situation: underage girls, belles still in school, are no longer those tiny little innocent sisters who need guidance. It’s as though they are the very weapon formed against you that you simply might need to scamper away from as fast as your feet can carry you.

But keeping your distance from them can be difficult, and we understand why: first, these people can look fine as pumpkin skins; and unless you take a look at their IDs, which is less likely a thing you will do, they may not look their age; they can look, talk and carry themselves with an air of maturity, chill at Café Javas, ride in monster rides, and generally present themselves in ways that can make you assume they are older than they really are. But that assumption is exactly where the danger begins: appearance, confidence, clothing, or the places someone hangs out cannot tell you their age, and if you are not certain they are an adult, the safest move is to keep your distance.

Not to forget they own the 16s of iPhones and are the proud owners of fat TikTok accounts. And, heartbreaking as it may sound, they even have she3r.c0m accounts! Breath in, breath out…

So now you know that Gayaza-Girl-or-some-other-school next-door neighbour’s daughter is more than just a student: she may know a lot more about the A-Z of life for her age: partying, flirting, making out, and everything in between.

Between the A and the Z are full-on adult vibes: sipping all those tribes of alcohol you only read about in Lifestyle magazines, like they are the rainbow itself, without its colours, of course; diving into Kampala’s nightlife like it’s their personal playground; dressing in skimpy fishnets or seductively cut damage denims; enough to make your eyes pop and your jaw drop to the ground, and serving provocative fashion choices that could make you think she is older than she actually is.

They may carry themselves with the confidence of someone who has been there and done that, Mr Been-there-done-that. But remember, appearances and behaviour do not tell you someone’s age, and they certainly do not make an adult’s decision for him.

Picture this: a hottie pulls up to the club in that barely-fitting outfit that is screaming all the way, ‘I’m the main event.’ She heads straight to the bar area and orders a cocktail whose name you don’t even know; she knows how to order better than you.

Interpretation? She may be in more 18+ Telegram groups than your group chats, and have more nights out than you have had in a year. She may know the nightlife scene better than you, carry herself with confidence, flirt like someone who has been around for years, and generally give every impression that she is older than she actually is.

She may even know and have mastered all the tricks, such as how to get a man addicted to her, that would make you question how someone so young could be so familiar with the adult world. Tell me, how do you know she’s underage?

Anyways, back to the club scene: as she heads to a dark-corner seat, you notice the dragon tattoo snaking up her waist. You gulp. Your heart skips a beat. Next, you start getting ideas as she settles into her seat. But suppose you are the cowardly hunk who has a PhD in hesitation. In that case, she might throw Lucifer looks in your direction, toss her hair from side to side, flash a confident smile, or even boldly walk over and start a conversation. And you might think you have just met someone who is clearly old enough to be in the same adult space as you.

That is where you need to stop and think. But before you invite her or proceed to hers, remember that appearances can deceive; read Proverbs 7:6-7; yet because of the effect of time and years on that scripture, replace the Biblical adulterous woman with the underage girl, who is now more Jezebel-esque. Simply put, if you are not sure of her age, keep your distance.

In downtown settings, Kabalagala is where things get to happen. The streets don’t sleep. They hum with boda-bodas and the scent of grilled meat. But inside spots like Planet Sports Bar, the energy is wild, to say the least.

You’ll see a girl playing pool, a full sleeve tattoo on her arm, her outfit a mix of fishnets and a leather skirt. She’s got layered necklaces with star pendants and a rosary; what’s with that rosary, girls? Her ears are sparkling with studs, and she’s puffing on a cigarette while chatting up a group of guys.

Mike met such a girl. “She came up to me, all flirty and stuff, saying she could show me a good time. Kept touching my hand, laughing at my jokes. She had this anklet with charms and a lip piercing—looked so mature. Long story short, she delivered what she promised like a pro. A few days later, I saw her in a school uniform. I tell you, brother, Kaleke-Kasome has never stopped ringing in my ears hahaha”

Here’s the kicker, Mike: it’s an important requirement to ask about her age or even look at her ID. She might be living like she’s 27 and all-mature, yet she’s still in a Seed school somewhere, still has a curfew (that she probably ignores; perhaps she escapes through the window in the dead of the night just to hit happening places), and still has parents who will call the Police on you.

You might think you’re just vibing, but the law doesn’t care about vibes. One wrong move, and you’re slapped with charges that’ll have you explaining yourself in a courtroom while she’s back to posting selfies on Snapchat as if nothing happened.

Let’s break it down:
These girls might know the bouncer at Guvnor, might have a playlist of party spots you’ve never heard of, might even have a sugar daddy or two. They’re out here living a life that makes yours look like you’ve been napping through your 20s. Nails glittering with gem decals, et cetera. But don’t let that fool you. That wild energy, that ‘I’m grown’ attitude, it’s a trap. You don’t want to be the guy who thought he was just having fun, only to end up with a mugshot. Snap!

“I thought she was at least 22 with the way she moved, the way she talked and the confidence she carried; she was flirting like someone who has seen and done it all. Somewhere along the way, I got to know she was a Senior 3 student. I froze. She was 16. I got out of there fast.” James, you survived, but God doesn’t forgive twice, so don’t do it again. If you are not certain she is an adult, don’t take the chance.

So, what’s the move? Keep your distance. Don’t even admire, not even from afar, and most importantly, don’t get involved. Don’t get her number; don’t allow her into your crib. Let not her older looks deceive you, or her confident behaviour tempt you into drooling episodes that you’ll regret.

These girls might seem like they’ve got it all together, but the reality is, they’re still kids, and the law knows it, even if they don’t. School teachers, are we together? Protect yourselves, stay smart, and don’t let their grown-up actions drag you into a mess you can’t clean up.

That they are good and quick at WhatsApp flirting? Run, that’s Luzira Prison calling…

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Compiled by Mwesigwa Joshua