Randall Holmes (played by Eltony William) is, in Taylor Perry’s If Loving You Is Wrong TV series, that flirtatious and, for lack of a worse adjective, the exasperating neighbour-cum-friend you would never want around your girl.
Why? Because act one of the film opens with him doing the Ooohs and Aaahs with Alex, Brad’s wife in—of all places, their backyard shade. The two are groaning like frogs, and that fact, plus the fact that these two, whose families were friends, were harbouring this sex affair behind their spouses’ backs, is toilet disgusting! Watching that scene leaves one with nothing short of a dropped jaw, as well as the annoying horrors about the bitter reality that extra-marital affairs, or whatever is similar to them, might just be something we have to expect and beware of in our love escapades. Reminds me of that high school friend of mine who…story for another day.
Friend, you might want to take that second look to see if you are not sharing your ‘faithful’ girlfriend or boyfriend with a neighbour or, shocking as it might be, that BFF you keep flaunting before them like a trophy.
Mad stories and revelations that do the rounds on X daily are enough to tell that tweeps are actively making out with that friend to my girlfriend who she keeps bringing to our dates despite my dislike for it; or that hajji’s juicy ‘chotara’ wife that he leaves to die of thirst for weeks; or my room-mate’s girlfriend who keeps frequenting our hostel room and sometimes finds he’s gone out for Man U vs. Arsenal, yet sometimes the weather is ‘weathering’; or that hot and loaded brown-thigh stay-home wife whose husband provides everything but the ESSENTIALS—she is always peering through her window at me as she makes up, sometimes half-dressed, licking her lips, with desire dancing in her eyes; or that millionairess whose tight trip schedules leave her with so little family time that she keeps a few call-boys around her for adult company; or that pastor whose ministry is warmer to his heart than his wife’s bosom, or that Member of Parliament who has a side-chic for a PA; or that…(fill in with your story.)
If one of the above is something you have seen, we are together. If you cannot digest it, imagine this: being so afraid to introduce your partner to your circle of friends because that one or two friends might just ‘bed’ her effortlessly. Exhausting, right? It happened to Ken, a beautician in Namuwongo.
Ken introduced Frena, his girlfriend to Fred, his best friend. They exchanged numbers—something you should never allow, and in no time they started texting. Fred was quick as thunder. And, all was well till the chats went south, as follows:
‘Hi, Frena. I’m sori 2 say this and u wud be right 2 be😳 at me. Bt that tym we wea out with u n Ken I saw a piece of your waist-beads under your skirt when u bent to tie Ken’s shoe lace. Must admit they mek u hot as hell😝. They go well with yo brown skin and dem lines around yo waist. Xerious ting! I think u should help me get 1 fo mi gal too. Ken doesn’t have 2 know, right?’ Smooth as Andile!
Well, to say the least, cheating with a friend’s partner is a whammy. It’s a betrayal of trust, not just with your partner, but also with your friend. This type of infidelity can lead to the loss of two relationships at once, exactly like it did in If Loving You Is Wrong.
Who would have thought that the person living next door could become a temptation too great to resist? Go watch Boy Next Door. Like in the flick, what starts as a simple quick glimmering look and smile might escalate to some not-so-innocent texts, a few calls, and—bang, they bang!
Office romances—a fashionable trend nowadays even for ladies, spinsters especially, to brag about among their peers, are a thing married women are, and should be, worried about. I once overheard a young woman say to her friend ‘I am sleeping with Manager Elliot, and I can’t deny his wife has taste!’ In this case, is Elliot married? Yes. That’s quite the thing—having an affair with a married man. And, to say it once more, for whatever reason, girls are doing such kinds of relationships a lot more than before. These are most times cross-generational relationships, where a younger girl, or young man sometimes, is involved with an older, pot-bellied (or pork-bellied, if you like) married man or woman, and they could have severe consequences. They often involve an imbalance of power, with the older person holding more influence and control. This can lead to emotional manipulation, exploitation, and even abuse. Besides that, the close proximity and constant interaction at the workplace can create a false sense of intimacy, leading to poor judgment, financial losses, family negligence and, you guessed right, STD/Is. Imagine transporting that itchy chlamydia to your woman back home. Or HIV.
High-profile scandals—such as President Clinton’s affair with Monica Lewinsky, Pastor Peter Ssematimba’s alleged infidelity with a maid, of the yantwaala process by process fame, Pastor Kigganda’s wife’s alleged affair with a laughable chapatti-maker, together with that Ssonko you know, the muzigo neighbour who in the night sneaks into Ochaya, his Askari-friend’s house to squeeze his wife’s warm chicken-heart-shaped breast—are some of the things that make Bensol’s Nairobi featuring Sauti Sol, scary and yet relevant. He sings: Nairobi yule anakupea, pia ananipea. Akikuletea ananiletea. Wanakula fare. Ssote tuna-share. Ogopa sana.
Folks, go slow with people’s women. You might stick your hand in the wrong ant-hill, and termites could bite you! Do they bite? Yes, they do.
