Cheaters: Their New Tricks That You Never Knew

Long ago, as the African folklore retold in the Nile English Course goes, the hare and leopard were great friends. In what was to be a calm peaceful evening in the forest one day, Ichuli, the hare, staring for long into a distance, gazing at the sparkling river thoughtfully, comes up with a disturbing idea: ‘If we threw our mothers into the river we would be free to do as we please, wouldn’t we?’ Without much thought, Leopard smilingly nodded, amazed at how clever his friend was! That night Leopard bundled his poor old feeble spotty mother up and splashed off into the river! The next morning, standing outside his hut, he noticed that strands of smoke were emerging, as they always did every morning, from Ichuli’s hut and, with curiosity engendered by earlier arrangement with his good friend, concluded that someone must have been cooking—must be Ichuli! So he tiptoed and, peering through a small hole – ah!—there, behold was Mama Ichuli, gracefully kneeling before her cooking stones, blowing her breathe into a fire, and her eyes red thanks to soot and smoke… alive and cooking yams for her Ichuli! No better way to describe cheating.

Today’s world as we know it has changed and evolved a great deal—we’ve lost our green, the sand of culture has been lost by time, girls can have boys’ names now—cheating among spouses has also evolved into a sophisticated mutant, with unfaithful partners employing every clever tactic to conceal and morally rationalize their infidelity. The fear of promiscuity is disappearing into near oblivion. The seriousness of this evolution is that marital and romantic unfaithfulness is settling in comfortably, soon becoming part of acceptable human behaviour. Here is the situation…

Your ‘straight’ boyfriend might not be as straight as he wants you to think. Sarah, 32, learnt this the hard way.

“People think they know their partners, but there are layers they often don’t see,” says Sarah, a 32-year-old marketing executive. She discovered her boyfriend was part of a bisexual underground scene, engaging in relationships with wealthy men for financial gain.

“I had no idea he was living this double life until I stumbled upon his messages. They were grotesque– nudes, videos, sex chats and porn. I mean I saw videos of my boyfriend naked, bending for a fellow man in some high-end hotel room! For days I was numb, my head spinning better than a bee announcing good news,” she says, the humour in her words being betrayed by the sad crack in her voice.

From Sarah’s story, we discover that there might be many individuals leading a double bisexual life (TikTok loves to call it Bisekiso Hahaha), engaging in secret relationships with people of the same sex—financially challenged young men, driven by the desire for easy financial gain, offering their services as male prostitutes or call boys, attending wild secret gay orgies to have their behinds walloped! Despite the Anti-Gay law in Uganda there is an alarming rise of underground gay bars, LGBTQ+ communities and NPOs in Kampala, and these train their members on how to evade the law (did you know that?). The evidence is all over social media if you paid attention. Considering the insatiable appetites for bribes in Africa’s pearl these acts are swept nice and clean under the carpet by authorities, even when they get wind of it. Worse still your favourite news media might never report on them.

‘I was booked to play at a night gig in uptown Kampala. The pay was abnormally high; I was strictly instructed that because my crowd was an elite one that needed their privacy respected, no phones were allowed,’ says Emmanuel, a free-lance disco-jokey in Kampala. ‘Strangely there were only men in the audience, all dressed in strange ways; at midnight the lights got dimmed. What I saw next was the most horrifying experience in my 15 years of deejaying: pot-bellied men of all colours and races holding and smooching with young boys in dark corners. One by one I saw them disappear into their giant cars.’ Whooo!

Your ‘loyal’ girlfriend might be a member of an online sex community—WhatsApp and Telegram groups which are notorious for sharing highly explicit sexual content or TikTok and Imo late-night live streams known to make sex and love ‘matches.’ The latter two come in handy for Ugandans in the diaspora, the kadamas. So, see brother, your girlfriend in Saudi Arabia could be hopping into numerous virtual relationships every day as and when her WiFi connection supports, and worse still offering online sex chats. Disheartening huh?

“I joined a few groups on WhatsApp and Telegram out of curiosity, but I was shocked by the explicit content shared,” admits Joan, 28. “It’s easy to get caught up in the thrill, and before you know it, you’re in too deep. They were doing these trips to Mbarara, Jinja and all these places, and I went to one. Boy! Free sex was the thing, not the actual trip; I found out that people were only looking for a chance and an excuse to get away from their partners to ‘taste’ elsewhere. At first, I flowed with the flow until my boyfriend noticed. We broke up. End of story!”

That couples ought to protect their sexual connection fiercely to minimize the risk of outside influences and promiscuity can’t be overemphasized.

“When sex becomes routine, it’s easy to look elsewhere,” says Lisa, a relationship counsellor. “Many couples forget the importance of sexual creativity, intimacy and climax” The lack of satisfaction can lead partners to seek excitement outside their relationships, often with disastrous consequences. Dear men, that pleasure peak is very important to her!

“There are many factors in the form of individuals who may be constantly flirting with or making advances toward your partner. I am talking petty talk, late-night calls, treats, etc. If that intimate spark you have between you two fades, your partner might seek to rekindle it with the outside individual without you ever realizing it.’’ The lot falls on besties. Yeah, those!

“When the sex life with my fiancé hit a rock, we started getting emotional outbursts and I found solace in my best friend Andrew,” admits Rachel, 27. “What started as innocent cuddles, pecks and light kisses quickly escalated. Then I cheated. My fiancé found us in a very compromising situation—in a toilet! Though we are still together, he has never forgiven me.”

The situation here is that friends of the opposite sex (again, the internet has a name for them—besties) may silently persistently pursue your partner, regardless of their serious relationship status, sometimes aiming to break up the relationship and other times simply seeking casual encounters.

Male friends especially may train your partner to use coded methods to conceal their chats such as locked WhatsApp chats, coded language, and secretive meetings, making it difficult for you to detect their intentions. Sometimes they even track your phone to monitor your movements and meet outside of your zone. This behaviour can thrive during times of conflict in your relationship, as one partner might seek comfort elsewhere. But even after resolving such disagreements, these individuals often remain in the picture, as backup options for sexual support or small favours, making it challenging to eliminate their influence.

Many couples have allowed pornography into their relationships to add excitement to them. Relationship councillors say this can be risky. Pornography often creates unrealistic fantasies that distort expectations. Men may desire their partners to emulate the actions of female p*rn stars, and women may feel pressure to perform similarly. When partners fail to recognize these unrealistic standards and body shapes and sizes—and know that they are fake and staged—it can lead to thoughts of infidelity as they seek to explore these fantasies elsewhere.

This list goes on and on…

Sophie, a dedicated student striving for a degree at a Kampala varsity, missed a paper because of financial challenges. Her lecturer exploited this desperation and asked for ‘a little something’ or she would fail and miss her graduation. Caught between fear and the desire to succeed, Sophie reluctantly slept with him, despite having a loving boyfriend who trusted her. That story is for you if you have a campus girlfriend.

The normalization of public sexualized talk on social media and in music has created an environment where casual attitudes toward sex thrive, leading to heightened sexual motivation. This cultural shift makes engaging in casual sex as easy and cool as engaging in casual vulgar and obscene sex talk, blurring the lines of fidelity. Without regulation, social media could exacerbate this issue, fostering a culture where infidelity becomes more acceptable, accessible and alluring.

The Kampala nightlife is without doubt vibrant, chaotic and many times unsafe, for it poses significant risks for those who become too immersed in it. If your partner gets caught up in its party web, she may struggle to navigate the vulnerabilities that come with it, such as the dangers of casual sex, drugs, one-night stands, rape and potential exploitation in celebrity circles or elsewhere. The allure of money in the city can lead to reckless behaviour, where individuals indulge in drugs, sex, and a lifestyle that could compromise their safety.

The same can be said about the excessive admiration for artists; there is a noticeable trend among Kampala girls who are eager to attend performances by Jamaican artists known for their sexualised and provocative acts. These girls are drawn to the erotic dances, often jumping on stage to join in the performances—I’m referring to artists like Ya Levis and Dexta Daps whose shows in Uganda have been nothing short of sensational. One girl even confessed on X that she slept with a Jamaican artist backstage, despite her boyfriend having purchased her ticket to the event. It’s crucial to advise your partner to tame her enthusiasm for bars and celebrity culture to avoid falling into these perilous situations with excuses such as: ‘It was just a dance.’

Let him that has eyes see, for these stories are everywhere on social media, begging to be paid attention too. Otherwise, you just might turn out to be the foolish leopard, Ichulied by your partner!