Plans—a meetup with friends, a family gathering, or a random favor someone’s roping you into—there’s always that moment when you just don’t feel like showing up. For any hustler out there, the value of some free time is priceless. You picture yourself sinking into your couch or bed, catching up on your favorite series, or enjoying some well-deserved peace. But, as many Ugandans know, the reality is rarely that simple.
There’s always that colleague pushing for activity X or the surprise family meeting. And let’s not even get started on the “Can I just come over?” texts. When these encroachers start to threaten your peaceful plan of laziness, what do you do? Simple—pull out a little white lie.
Now hear me out! I’m not justifying liars, but let’s be real—we’ve all done it. Whether to fend off unwanted intrusions or sound impressive, fibbing about your “plans” is practically a rite of passage. From dramatic emergencies to hilariously bold fabrications, here are some of the funniest excuses Ugandans tell to escape plans.
(1). “I’m feeling unwell” This one’s a classic. From an early age, most of us learn this trick: don’t feel like going to school? “Mommy, I’m feeling unwell.” It works for almost anything—dodging a night out, skipping a long drive, or even missing work…sometimes. For added flair, throw in “malaria” or “sinus issues” to make it sound more convincing. Meanwhile, the only thing you’re truly unwell about is leaving the comfort of your bed.
(2). “My apologies, I won’t make it; I lost a distant relative” Yes, it’s dark, but then again, we Ugandans are no joke. We love this one for its foolproof ability to shut down any follow-up questions. After all, who would dare challenge grief? And don’t worry about the specifics—distant relative is vague enough to keep the lie safe; an uncle on my father’s side, a friend’s grandma… Meanwhile, the “bereaved” is probably at home hustling out their day. The trick here is to ensure no specifics are given; you don’t want to forget and mix up the facts.
(3). “I’m going to the village to check on Jajja (Granny)” Whether it’s Easter, Christmas, or just a random long weekend, the “I’m going to the village” excuse is unbeatable. It’s vague enough to be unquestionable. No one will grill you about which village or why you suddenly remembered your roots. Meanwhile, you are probably just broke and can’t afford the plot your pals are planning.
(4). “I’m traveling abroad” The audacity of this one is unmatched. Some will casually drop that they’re flying to Dubai, Nairobi, or even Mombasa for a “quick getaway,” “it’s a work thing,” “a safari.” It’s the kind of lie you tell when you know the audience isn’t about to fact-check you. Truthfully, your version of traveling abroad is holing up in a rental somewhere…no more details on that one.
(5). “I forgot I had another commitment” The beauty of this excuse lies in its sheer simplicity. Ugandans often turn to it when they need a lie that stays flexible. Just say, “Oh no, I forgot I had something else planned,” and—voilà—the world forgives you. Meanwhile, your actual commitment is probably just lounging at home or scrolling on your computer.
(6). “The car broke down” For anyone with access to a car, this excuse is a golden ticket out of any plan. And honestly, even if you don’t own a car, the drama of a mechanical failure is so relatable that no one will question it. If someone presses for details, just blame the alternator or some vague “engine problem.”…“Haaa, ndi mu garaji emotoka enfudeko” (Haaa, I’m at the garage, the car broke down) for extra authenticity.
(7). “I’m broke.” For the blunt and unapologetic ones, this excuse is gold. Simply declaring, “Eh, man, I’m too broke to come,” makes you relatable and instantly gets you off the hook. What’s great is that being broke isn’t even a lie half the time, so it’s less guilt-inducing. Sometimes we just can’t afford the plan.
Borderline, sometimes it’s just easier to tell a little lie than to explain why you don’t feel like showing up. I don’t know if that’s okay but hey, such is life. Whether you’re the traffic-blamer, the family-meeting faker, or the distant-relative mourner, there’s one thing we can all agree on: sometimes, you just need to cancel in style.
So, the next time you hear the, “I’m sorry, but I can’t make it,” don’t take it too personally. Who knows? You might even be the one coming up with the next great excuse…in fact, feel free to share some of the “reasons” you canceled a plan.
