For all fathers out there, it is no secret that the time for day-to-day involvement with kids is often limited. Travelling for work, economic stress, irresponsibility, and even unstable relationships… life happens. While one might think this is just a “me” or “my neighbour” kind of struggle, the numbers tell a sobering story. Research shows that about 10% of fathers in Uganda are unaware of the existence of their children. 40% know their children but are not involved in their lives. 45% have limited involvement. Only 5% fathers in Uganda are actively present and engaged. For any man worth his salt, these are alarming statistics.
Fatherhood is not just about financial provision. It’s about presence, emotional, social, and spiritual support. Children flourish when they have role models to guide them, protect them, and simply be there. When fathers are absent, the gaps are often filled by mothers, grandparents, or siblings, yet something critical is still missing.
For our dear Uganda, this reality is increasingly visible even when we try not to talk about it. Many young people share stories of absentee fathers with pain, sometimes masking it with humour on social media. On platforms like X (Twitter) and Facebook, it’s not rare to find debates about the meaning of “a real father,” often pointing to neglect, denial of responsibility, or financial excuses. Others bluntly call them “deadbeat dads,” a term that has become so common that even musicians and public figures get publicly trolled with it when accused of not supporting their children.
Every time schools reopen, the truth comes back to bite. Social media is filled with heated exchanges as single mothers call out men who have refused to pay fees. Grandmothers step in to save the day, friends contribute, while the fathers are shamed as ghosts. Memes and jokes fly around about “sick boys raised by single mothers.” And while we may find humour and fun out of it, underneath lies real pain. Children raised by single parents often face derogatory labels, while their parents endure ridicule and challenges such as financial hardship. And even when money isn’t the problem, time becomes the issue, as the single parent must not only nurture and guide the child but also work to keep the finances stable.
Not to say that all fathers are out of the picture. On the other side, we also find inspiring testimonies of fathers who have turned their lives around. Amidst all the social media insults, you will find one: “Never be an absent father, no matter how broke you are. Be there for your kids.”
The Causes Behind Limited Fatherhood
Economic Pressure
Let’s be honest, Uganda’s high unemployment and underemployment rates push many men into informal work, long commutes, or even labour migration, which we like calling safari. This physical absence makes daily involvement nearly impossible, and stress often weakens family bonds. As a man, it becomes hard to play and dally around with the child when you know supper isn’t yet secured.
Cultural and Gender Norms
Traditional expectations still cast men as providers while childcare is seen as women’s work. A father who spends too much time with his kids may even be mocked as soft in some circles. Outlandish as it may seem, it is a common trait among Ugandan men of culture. A traditional man in Uganda will work and toil from morning to night, rarely interacting with his family because, to him, his job is to provide—everything else, the woman will manage.
But for modern Uganda, the story is no longer black and white. Women work and own businesses that are often more prosperous than those of men, making it hubris to tell them to abandon their financial independence entirely. Women’s empowerment, vital as it is, has also stirred new tensions. The strong and independent woman no longer fits the pre-modern image of a stay-at-home wife. Some openly declare that they do not need a man at all, while men still feel the full pressure of being providers. Any man wants to be the provider for his home; it is in our nature.
When both sides are stretched thin, conflict becomes inevitable. Both parents are away at work, both are too exhausted to spend quality time together, and in the end, there’s no one to care for the home as it was in the past. Some fathers, unable to handle the pressure or feeling displaced in their role, walk away.
Relationship Breakdown
Rising rates of unstable relationships, separations, and unresolved paternity disputes often leave children caught in the middle. In such cases, many fathers walk away altogether. It’s not uncommon for a couple to separate without realising they were expecting a child, the woman concealing the pregnancy, or a bitter divorce granting the mother full custody, leaving the father to provide only financial support without ever being physically present. Broken relationships remain a major cause of absentee fathers.
Some fathers simply give up when the conflict around child support becomes too bitter. Stories of mothers using child support for themselves and similar drama are common, pushing men to abandon the child and parenting altogether.
A common example involves school fees. Many fathers try to play the role, asking for school details and offering to clear the tuition, only to be met with drama: ‘We changed schools,’ ‘We don’t want that school,’ ‘The money isn’t enough,’ or ‘We enrolled the child in a school near their Jajja.’ Eventually, the mother demands large sums of cash instead.
Anyone who has tried getting a child into school knows how expensive those joining fees can be: uniforms, supplies, and so on. Out of frustration, some fathers walk away, muttering, ‘One day, the kid will grow up and know who their real father is.’ By then, the damage is already done.
Irresponsibility and Denial
We can’t all be saints, even in heaven, the devil manifested… Some fathers, especially young men, struggle with accepting responsibility when faced with unplanned pregnancies. Sure, we might enjoy the game under the bedcovers, but when reality hits, a pregnancy unfolding with all the responsibility and financial strain, the lesser man is always known to abscond. This fuels the cycle of absenteeism and broken homes.
Weak Enforcement of Child Support
While Uganda has family laws in place, child maintenance enforcement is inconsistent, unlike in the West, for instance. This lack of accountability allows some men to neglect their obligations without consequence. As one opinion writer put it, many Ugandan fathers become “busy bees,” visible when it’s time to provide money, invisible when it comes to presence and emotional support.
The Ripple Effects on Children and Society
When fathers are absent or only minimally involved, children are affected in profound ways.
One of these manifests as Emotional struggle. Many children grow up with questions of self-worth, feeling abandoned or unloved, while others are poisoned by one-sided/biased narratives by the custodian parent. It is not uncommon for custodian parents to paint a bad picture of the one who is not around.
In other cases, the custodian parent might disclose that the pregnancy ended the relationship, or it might come out that an abortion failed… all these compound to feelings of neglect, trauma and non-existent self-worth.
The scars are heavy. As one Facebook commenter bluntly put it: “Absent fathers allow their children to become prey to whoever is the dominant role model in the community.”
Economic hardship is another major issue. Single mothers often bear the full financial burden, struggling with school fees, healthcare, and basic needs. This is why the ‘back-to-school season’ is dreaded by many single-parent homes, when the absence of a father is felt most acutely.
Behavioural risks: Research links absentee fatherhood to higher risks of early pregnancies, substance abuse, and delinquency among teens. Without guidance, young people turn to peers, pop culture, or social media influencers as stand-in role models. We all need father figures, and without them, a piece goes missing.
Weakened social fabric: Families and communities lose the balance that comes with shared parenting roles.
Some women narrate their struggles of raising children alone, describing absentee fathers as ghosts who only reappear during family events. In some communities and slum areas, the absence of a father is so common that no one will even bother asking.
Young adults often share how growing up without a father shaped their confidence, with some joking about “Father’s Day being Mother’s Day again.” Men, too, express regret. A few open up about avoiding responsibility in their youth, admitting they later wished they had been more present for their children’s formative years.
The COVID lockdown even exposed what could be different. With movement restricted, fathers were forced to spend time at home, and many discovered bonds they had never built before. Some realised, for the first time, what it meant to be emotionally present.
At the end of the day, no policy can replace a man’s decision to show up for his children. It starts with personal resolve: choosing to be present in both the good times and the hard ones. Because fatherhood, stripped of excuses and cultural disguises, is not just about providing, it is about being there.
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