Dating a Single Mom: A Ride You’re Not Ready For

Attennnttttiioon! Power couple Shakib and Zari’s shiny-and-everything-in-between empire was trending last week, but for only the wrong reasons. It seems like Shakib has been part-timing with one too many Kampala girls, as he was seen in a video having an under-the-Mupundu-tree moment with a girl who—and I will drop like it is hot—is way younger than Zari! Glass of water, please!

Zari, the 44-year-old single mom of five, famous for her golden ‘what do you bring to the table’ question, roared back, telling X ‘If I introduce another in-law to you don’t be surprised.’ Two more glasses of water. Ahem! Ahem!

Guess it’s letter-time for some sons of African gentlemen. Dear young men, that there, is exactly why you should hardly ever date a single mum—you will end up cheating or being cheated on, hurting or getting hurt, or all. So, if you must, and only if you must, be prepared to face the music that’s written on that stave, because fore-warned is…

Jumping into a romance with a single mom is like reading a Harry Potter novel—it’s hard, volume is large you can’t finish it; it’s a full-time job that will drain your marrow in ways you’ve never dreamt of, painful like a JAT baton rocking your bottom—ouch! Not that single mums do not deserve a chance at love. Of course, they do, and they can be the sweetest honeycomb you ever put your taste buds on. But they are not for you, yes, I mean you, twenty-something chap trying to work out your future, for when you fling yourself in that boiling-pot mix you will instead switch to working your spine numb. Leave that for the old uncles; they know their way around egaali ekozeeko.

That age is just a number is a modest assumption, but if she has children, multiply the number of her children by her age. The result is the summation of problems you are to face in that relationship. Picture this: you’re signing up for a whirlwind where kids rule, exes lurk, your respect takes a backseat, and you can’t have her all to yourself. Her attention and life are divided up already, you can’t repair that, just like orange segments. Poor son!

She’s A Package Deal: It Is Her + Kids
Single mums don’t roll alone—they roll in a pack. I mean one of the things she said she loves about you is that you like her kids, right? But deep inside you know you only pulled that off to win her over. Now is payback time for all the pretence: they nag you; they are noisy, messy and all-what-have-you. Bro, you will be stuck with hate on the inside and smiles on the outside. Lesson here? You’ll need the patience of a monk and the reflexes of a cat.

Her timetable’s a locked vault or your wallet gets drained
Forget spontaneous weekends—like Shakib, if that single mum is a career woman who also has an IG following to impress, her life is a puzzle of work schedules, school runs, photoshoots, and all that headache-inducing stuff. And you? A sidelined puppy yapping for scraps of her time while she jets between Nigeria, Germany, South Africa and Uganda to sign this deal or that contract.

Midnight getaway? Unlikely. She’s got a 7 a.m. parent-teacher conference and a full-blown meltdown to defuse by 9. You want a spot in her life? Get comfortable being pencilled in between “Buy Ki some diapers, Hun” and “Please, make your lunch. I am exhausted going through Larry’s homework.”

But if she’s not rolling in cash like Zari, guess what? You just won your position as the family’s ATM. You’ll be covering the kids’ needs, household expenses, and her self-care routine—because keeping that forever young glow—which she will insist she does for you, isn’t free. Before you know it, your wallet is on life support, your business dreams are dust, and your sick mom and school-going little siblings are side-eyeing you like, ‘So… nothing for us?’

Baby Daddy Drama
Woe unto you for Baby Daddy isn’t going anywhere—he has the right to see the kids, blah blah; which really means he has the right to disrupt your relationship at convenience! He’s always in the picture, making surprise appearances, not allowing the kids to bond with you because you are not their real father, and somehow knowing way too much about what’s going on in her life.

Their baby mama-daddy drama is a live wire, and you’ll be stuck holding the short end. You can’t know why they broke up—a woman will not tell you the real story, and sometimes you do not want to disrespect him, because she keeps reminding you ‘he is the father to my kids.’

Baby Daddy might show up to fix a bulb that mysteriously never got fixed, or lurk in group chats where his friendly messages sound a little too cosy, maybe he is even in the family WhatsApp group. Quite annoying. Speaking of which, his in-laws still invite him to events, his name’s still on the emergency contact list at the hospital or school, and if she ever gets sentimental, there’s a very real chance you’ll catch her scrolling through old anniversary photos at 2 a.m.

And here comes the real problem—the Baby Daddy power play. This isn’t just a guy dropping off child support and waving goodbye—he knows exactly what he’s doing. If he’s got money, he’s playing a financial puppet master. One minute, he’s the doting father paying school fees, the next he’s saying ‘You know, I do all this for you and the kids, right?’ with a look that means more than just generosity. The unspoken message? Play nice, or the funds might dry up. Connect the dots, you’re an adult who knows something about old flames.

The Unspoken Strings Attached
If Baby Daddy still has a thing for her (which, let’s be real, he probably does), he knows her weaknesses. He knows what turns her on, what makes her tick, and how to push just the right buttons when he wants something. Maybe it’s an old inside joke, maybe it’s a song that reminds her of “the good times,” or maybe it’s just the simple fact that he’s familiar—and that’s dangerous. Sometimes you’ll hear things like:
‘Come on, you know how we were… don’t act like you don’t miss it.’
‘We don’t have to tell anyone… it’s just between us.’
‘If we’re good, the kids are good, you know that.’

And that’s where it gets messy. Because while you’re out here trying to build a relationship, he’s manipulating her with a mix of nostalgia, guilt, and straight-up power plays. If she’s dependent on his money, she might feel like she has no choice but to go along with things—maybe not full-on cheating (though, don’t rule it out), but entertaining his advances just enough to keep him happy and the financial help coming.

But if Baby Daddy is a loser guess who ends up carrying the burden? You. Because when she starts feeling guilty, confused, or overwhelmed about the kids, who does she run to for comfort? You.
When Baby Daddy suddenly “forgets” to send money for school fees? Who has to step in? You.
When the kids are caught in the middle of their back-and-forth drama who has to play the emotional punching bag? You. When she does a stupid thing and you put it to her, she will be all ‘I am a parent. You have no idea what that means, do you?’

You signed up to be a boyfriend, not a referee in a toxic custody battle or a replacement ATM. Before you know it, you’re draining your own pockets, losing sleep over another man’s mind games, and questioning why you’re even here. Meanwhile, the ex? He’s still got a foot in the door, still pulling the strings, and still making sure you never quite feel like you fully belong.

Ditching Her Is a Tear-Jerking Exit
Walking away from a single mom isn’t like ending a regular relationship—it’s a full-blown emotional minefield. You’re not just leaving her, you’re leaving the kids, and they’re going to take it personally. Expect stares that make you feel like you are Iscariot himself. And if guilt wasn’t already creeping up your spine, she’ll hit you with the ultimate emotional weapon— “The kids will miss you.” I knew a guy who tried to call it quits, but after hearing that line, he stuck around another six months out of sheer guilt.

Escape plan? Either pull off a smooth, drama-free exit or fake an intergalactic abduction and never look back. After all, you are just a twenty-something boy!

Comments here if you have a single mum dating experience, and let’s see how messy it goes.