You meet a woman who seems perfect: beautiful, easy to talk to and full of energy. You have a few outings, share laughter, maybe even see the promise of something real… but then you start noticing empty bottles, or the inevitable lingering scent of yet another great time. Now, don’t get me wrong, having some booze isn’t a red flag; the excess is! Anything done excessively enough has been known to turn sour.
Now the concern grows when the lifestyle becomes unsustainable, and the excuses start piling up… small possessions go missing when she drops by, some money disappearing, or the nudge to make you fund “just one more round.” So, at what point does a red flag stop serving as a warning and start reflecting a character trait? Well, that’s usually in the eyes of the beholder. Back on track, are drinking and stealing the clearest red flags a woman can show, or are they just symptoms of personal issues and coping mechanisms we often ignore till it’s a little too late?
When Drinking Turns from Fun to Fatal
Social drinking is one thing, dependency is another. It’s not uncommon for men and women alike to describe the slow change from “occasional fun” to “constant escape.” One user from a relationship advice forum shared how his girlfriend went from weekend parties to morning drinks, eventually missing work and lying about expenses. “It stopped being social when she needed it to function,” he wrote.
Many partners report the same cycle: denial, apology, relapse, and chaos (we go about this in Addiction Relapse: What Family and Friends Should Know). Psychologists often describe alcoholism as a progressive loss of control, not only over drinking but over honesty, discipline, and empathy.
And in relationships, that lack of control often spills over. Arguments turn aggressive, responsibilities are inconsistent, and emotional intimacy becomes hostage to mood swings.
Worse, for anyone who has taken one bottle over their limit, they know that alcohol doesn’t just loosen inhibitions, it loosens one’s values too. In the end, for many, a woman who drinks becomes a liability, with brittle trust whenever she goes out…
It is important to acknowledge that society judges women more harshly for drinking than men. While a man who drinks too much might be labelled “troubled,” a woman faces words like “reckless” or “immoral.” This stigma also often drives the behaviour as thrilling, because let’s be honest, it feels good breaking some rules.
And then stealing. If drinking reflects a lack of control, stealing reflects a lack of conscience. It’s one of the clearest red flags because it cuts directly into the moral fabric of a person and directly skews how one views their partner. Now, at this point, I clear the air that I am not targeting the ladies; in fact, we had a throwdown concerning the gents in Are You Dating a Thief? Signs your boyfriend might be one.
Now, stealing isn’t always about money or material things; sometimes it’s time, trust, or emotional investment that gets taken without care. But when it’s literal, it’s even more glaring.
In one relationship advice forum, a man shared that his girlfriend routinely took small amounts from his wallet, then later his savings, insisting he had “miscounted.” Another user described losing sentimental items; jewellery, watches… each time a certain partner visited. “It wasn’t about what she took,” he wrote, “it was about how she looked me in the eye afterwards.” And when you think about it, the situation is like that one pal telling you a lie you fully know is a lie.
And that’s what makes stealing such a devastating red flag: it’s intentional betrayal, taking advantage of your trust in someone.
While this article centres on women, these behaviours are not gendered; they’re pretty much human shortcomings. They just do appear more pronounced in how society perceives them. When a woman drinks heavily or steals, it’s seen as a violation of nurturing or moral expectations.
That’s partly why these two traits stand out: they defy what most people instinctively associate with feminine energy: care, empathy, and restraint. Whether fair or not, they strike deeper because they subvert those expectations.
But then again, just as beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, red flags, too, are pretty much defined by what the intended partner has tolerance for. There’s a saying: “Love makes you see the best in people; pain makes you wish you hadn’t.” So yes, recognising red flags is subjective, but some are undeniable.
If she lies about where the money went, if you constantly have to “rescue” her from her own decisions, if you feel like the relationship costs more peace than it gives, those aren’t quirks; they’re signals. One commenter put it bluntly:
“The first time you catch someone stealing from you, they’ve already stolen something else, your trust.” And the truth is, no amount of affection can outweigh a lack of integrity. Love may forgive mistakes, but it can’t coexist with betrayal.
