We have so much to say about Kampala. She is a shapely dark-hearted beauty, whose charm is but a weapon formed against you. Take love and relationships for instance; the moment you set foot in Kampala you’ll need to flash out all you know about love, and adjust to the settings of this monster city. Love here is for survival!
In Kampala every turn could lead to love or at least an interesting encounter—you are not looking for a marriage partner in this city. So, before you get finessed here’s how you’ll have to navigate the hearts of diverse types of women with a blend of style, substance, and a touch of strategy, including the crucial step of securing her number, just to survive that ugly road to Ssingo.
The Baddies: To catch the eye of these trendsetters, your style and fashion sense must speak volumes. “He walked in with a scent that made everyone turn,” you have to make her say, appreciating you for smelling good. Invest in a signature fragrance that’s noticed but not overwhelming. I recommend Sauvage Dior, Le Labo Santal, Creed Aventus, Tom Ford Oud Wood, Hugo Boss Bottled. These come expensive but trust these Kampala streets, they have the art to pack them in small bottles for UGX 5,000 to UGX 20,000—thank me later. Away from the scents boldness is key; these daughters of Eve love someone who’s not afraid to be provocative with their fashion choices or in conversation.
Knowing how to drive, especially a car that matches your style, adds to the allure. A cool phone, not just for its looks but for what it represents—connectivity and status—is a plus. The trick here is to balance confidence with charm, never crossing into arrogance. They’re looking for someone who matches their thirst for adventure.
Play mild mind games to keep the interaction spicy and engaging. Remember, with baddies, you need to be yourself and not give a care at all about the consequences of anything; just live life. Show her new things, even scary, risky stuff. You could use a punchline like, “I am pretty sure your number won’t kill me,” she will chuckle but still give you, her number.
The Weirdos: For these, your knowledge across a spectrum of topics can be your biggest asset. “He knew a little about everything, from quantum physics to music and romance,” make her mind say. This shows an intellectual curiosity that matches theirs. You have to have some slight knowledge about the Socrates, Shakespeares and Albert Eisteins of this world.
To get her number, engage in a deep conversation about something she’s passionate about, then oddly say, “Can I have your boyfriend’s number?” You’ll get both her number and the I-have-no-boyfriend greenlight. Two birds!
The Church Girls: Knowing God, not just in theory but in practice, is crucial here. You have to know how many books there are in the Bible, or some famous preachers, or popular Bible quotes. What are you doing not having a nice clean Bible by your bedside? As it is, you have to be related some way to Phaneroo, Watoto Church or Prophet Mbonye. Lean towards a modest yet tasteful lifestyle, reflecting respect for decent-dressing, parents and men of God. Here, manipulation and mind games should be replaced with sincerity and genuine spiritual conversations. Be clean, gentle and have respect for personal space—when she says no, she means it.
You’ll just have to keep up with the mood swings that come with her on-and-off desire to keep away from you because ‘we are fornicating.’
Also, take her to an expensive place to buy something as simple as ice cream. The place will give her the experience, rather than the ice cream itself. Finally, promise marriage, and stay away from pubs.
The Rich Kids: With these, your fashion should scream sophistication without trying too hard. Knowing a little IT or mechanic skill can impress, especially if you can solve their iPhone issues with ease, or if her car might break down sometime—they own cars! Try to have the latest iPhone model—but don’t buy it for her–or know something about it. Having some money is expected, but it’s how you handle it— investing in experiences or philanthropy—that will win their heart. The X-factor is in your knowledge, and in discussions that challenge her intellect. Some rich kids are daft though. For such, buy her simple gifts because she has literally seen the big stuff. Go slow to get her number. She definitely has stalkers around her, so don’t stoop so low to their level or she’ll dump you like T!
The Ghetto Girls: These types are what I love calling Super Smart Savage. They are dangerous; and you’ll just have to understand their street-smart ways to get to them. Keep your mind games on the low or use them to keep her life fun, for they are damaged already. In all you do don’t be judgemental, jealous, and avoid attaching easily. You’ll be broken like a jar. Getting her number might be tricky, but just tell her, “Yo! Can I see some of your pics in your phone gallery?” She’ll give you her phone, use it to dial yours. There you have it.
The Reserved & Introverts: They love Netflix and sometimes drugs! So, prepare your watchlist—I am talking relatively weird stuff, to suggest to them. They won’t say much, and you shouldn’t too. It’s your ability to listen, even when they say little, that will truly move them.
Social Media Influencers: Make her tell her friends “He had this way of making every moment Tiktokable,” so a cool phone is a must, not just for aesthetics but for its camera and filters.
Mind games? You’ll need them a lot. You are dealing with drama queens, who love being made feel something worth talking about in posts. Social media girls are easier to get than they appear—the cover doesn’t always show what’s inside the book. Most of them are lonely, with teddy-bears being their only true friends, and are looking for attention. So, give it to them: like, comment, share their stuff for a while, then eventually hit the inbox. Just go, “I wanna take you out.” Use that date well, you’ll find out how easy it all goes down.
The Emotionally Unstable: For them, you should be less about what’s in vogue and more about what’s comforting or reminiscent of stability, so have the ability to lead, give solutions, solace or at least the assurance. Be emotionally open, not provocative. Money can help in providing security or small luxuries that show care, but it’s your patience and understanding that will truly connect. Mind games should be avoided; for crying out loud she is an open-book. Manipulating her will only turn her into that crazy clingy girlfriend.
The Strong and Authoritative: Your style should match their ambition. Knowledge is their aphrodisiac. Your style should be understated but sharp. Your driving skills will be much needed, though she might not notice all that, for to her driving is just any other basic human skill. For those women who are powerful, mean, mannerless and spoilt, like Mrs. Mallory of Tyler Perry’s Beauty in Black TV series, boldness can be your key. Take a leaf from Calvin’s character—he showed no fear, no reverence; so, use your audacity to intrigue her. If your confidence is unshaken by her power, you might find yourself making out in the most unexpected places—an elevator, a car, sharing a moment that’s as daring as it is thrilling.
Girls love food, clothes, pictures and talking about themselves. A trick could be offering to take a picture of her in something she likes, like a new outfit or a dish she’s proud of, then trick her into giving you her number under the guise of Whatsapping her the photo while praising her figure all the way.
Remember, when taking a girl out to an expensive place, research the menu and make sure you have the money. Be generous, whether you’re faking it or not. There was this guy who played a girl by pretending to order food when she visited, yet the call was fake; all through their stay, he pretended to be calling and yelling at the delivery for delaying. When they didn’t show up, he borrowed money from her to get something quick since he had “sent all the money” to the delivery. In the end, it was the girl who bought food for their date at home.
However, love doesn’t have to be about tricks because some girls are easy to get. In such cases, you won’t need any of these tips. You might just need how to not get dumped tricks.
Also read; How to Impress Just Any Man: Ladies, Do These and He’s All Yours!
Compiled by Mwesigwa Joshua
