The word toxic equates to harmful, poisonous and unpleasant.
Toxicity is a state or level of being toxic, for instance, the toxicity in high school can never be fully understood by parents, this is because students have experienced it first-hand from the bursar, teachers or even their fellow students. The Urban Dictionary defines a toxic person as one who is tainted by a subconscious malevolence or psychosis that affects the lives of those who come into contact with them. In other words, a toxic person is just naturally evil, they are like Lucifer, bad without even trying to be. A toxic person could also be described as someone with a fixation that they will not let go of, like how your dad is always right and never wrong. Lowkey that is toxic!
Now, because I care highly for your mental well-being dear reader, I will break down toxicity for you, so that the next time you encounter it, you walk away unharmed. Be aware, because the subject of toxicity is quite sensitive because it involves those near and dear to you.
Starting with narcissists, are like the ring leaders of toxicity worldwide because behind every toxic person is the need to please self. Narcissists lack empathy and are manipulative like that girlfriend who is always taking from you and never giving anything back. Like that boyfriend who constantly talks about himself and his achievements, never genuinely interested in your life. Narcissists tend to forget the world around them, so they aren’t even aware of when they are being disrespectful or just need to shut up. If you ever find yourself trapped in a conversation with a narcissist, end the conversation lest you leave feeling very insecure, unaccomplished and very lacking.
Gaslighters, another group of toxic individuals who are devils in disguise. They make you question your entire existence, they lie so smoothly with the use of denial, making you question your sanity. It’s a form of psychological abuse, where the gas lighter turns the negativity onto the other party and the blame away from themselves. In most cases they glorify themselves, for example you find evidence that your partner has cheated on you, when you bring it up, they may say “After everything I have done for you this is how you repay me…” Such a phrase bypasses the problem and glorifies the offender, making it look like they are the only serious one in the relationship and have done too much good to be accused of bad. Another thing a gaslighter can do is diminish your feelings by saying things like “I am sorry you feel I hurt you…”, “you’re too sensitive…”, “You’re being dramatic…”, “I was just joking”, “everyone else agrees with me…” Once a gaslighter says any of these phrases, automatically you will begin to feel like you are the one with the problem. A gaslighter doesn’t necessarily have to be a perpetrator, it could even be a friend to whom you are narrating your ordeal at work. Your friend could use some of these phrases to demean what you have experienced, thus making you conclude that something like “sexual harassment happens to everyone so I should just get over it and stop being overly sensitive.” I advise you to distance yourself from such people who demean your problems or question your sanity.
Bullying is a sign of toxicity that does not end in primary or high school. It could be a slight shove, a snide remark made to you or made to someone else about you. You might have that supervisor/manager at work, who never has positive feedback about your work, and to top it all they never ‘correct’ you in a civilized fashion. If they are not screaming insults at you, then they are calling fellow workmates to witness how disgraceful you or your work is. Bullies tend to demean you in every way possible so that they can feel dominant. Often times bullies do this to cope with their own insecurities, but this does not justify their actions.
This is the part where I say, this article is for you who feels extremely insecure in the presence of a particular individual. It is also for you who feeds off of other people’s discomfort and weaknesses.
Emotional manipulators take on different forms, it involves an individual toying with another’s emotions. One of the tactics emotional manipulators uses is guilt tripping, normally your loved ones use your love for them to gain control or favors from you. A mother could guilt trip their son by using phrases like “if you truly loved me…” “I am old and no one loves me anymore….” Such phrases will cause the son to spring into action because he feels like he has completely abandoned his mother. However, behind the scenes the mother may have four other sons she speaks with regularly, but only uses such phrases with this one because she has identified his weak spot. Toxic people prey on weakness!
Another emotional manipulator is the enabler, an enabler encourages your self-destructive habits, either knowingly or unknowingly. An enabler could be a group of friends, one particular person, or even the content you consume. The enabler could suggest drinking till morning, then pretend to remember the fact that you are abstaining, laugh it off and say “we will have fun on your behalf.” For one who is not strong, such a night out will be hard to ignore. In terms of progressing smoothly with your self-construction, enablers should be gotten rid of. An enabler could also be a parent who allows their child to be disrespectful and all sorts of wild, so that the child’s love for the parent is maintained. This however, negatively affects the child because their mannerism and character is tainted, by the time they awake from their ‘special treatment’ era it could be too late for them. And for the parent, the child will lose respect for you and any boundaries that should be in place will dissolve because the child has been given too much freedom. Eventually, the child will disrespect their parents when their demands aren’t fulfilled, leading to an ugly cycle of tantrum, demand, happy, then unsatisfied and back to tantrums
Control freaks need the world to turn their way, if they had the power, they would literally displace the heavens and reorder them to their satisfaction. Control freaks dominate the lives of those around them, like a boyfriend who determines what you wear, a girlfriend who controls who you see and talk to, a partner who deletes every number they deem as a ‘threat’ to your relations with them. Control freaks need control, without it they are weak. Don’t give anyone the power to control you or find strength in your weakness.
An emotional vampire is another type of emotional manipulator (the last one, I promise). Emotional vampires drain the life out of those close to them by heaping their problems on them without giving them a chance to share their burdens too. You can tell someone is such a vampire if you are the one always reaching out to them, and listening, then the only time they do make the initiative to reach out, they are ranting or guilt tripping you for not reaching out saying things like ‘you stopped caring…’ The best thing to do with emotional vampires is to prioritize your mental wellbeing. Like vampires, their negative emotions leave a mark on you and before you know it you start feeling some type of way, then you spiral lower and lower.
There is a video that explains the cycle of life for an individual that prioritizes other people’s happiness over theirs. The main character starts with a blank slate that keeps on getting darker the more they give out good vibes. This main character goes around giving and giving off of themselves and at the end of the day have nothing left to give because their once blank slate filled with all the negative emotions the people they helped (or listened to) dumped onto them. We cannot help everyone, but most importantly how can we help when we need help ourselves. Like the main character in this video, do not hesitate to help, but do not let yourself be drained dry. Give yourself time to recoup and distance yourself from those particularly negative characters.
