Listen up, ladies—no one is going to teach you the most basic principles of life. Even experience, previously the best teacher, is now the most dreadful tutor, so don’t wait for ‘him’ to do that. As it is, growing up, your parents have been too busy scratching for that ka-money to sit you down, or maybe are long divorced. At some point when you stepped into Kampala for studies or work, you cut connections with your elder relatives because they are ‘outdated.’
Along the way, you stopped going to church or the mosque—I am so busy with books, work and stuff! —so no pastor, priest or iman is speaking sense to your life. In the end, your ears are connected to earphones and eyes to a phone screen or Netflix; these are your new life teachers. They have introduced you to the most dangerous world of social media and wild fantasies, where unfiltered content and toxic people seep into your soul literally by osmosis.
And now, as we speak, you, in your early twenties—without knowing how you got here, are contemplating moving in with that ‘loaded uncle’, who you discovered too late has kids that he did not tell you about on first date. Linda and Olivia, besties, are cheering you, a part of you is justifying it with it’s alright, Bianca Censori is married to Kanye West; but your heart keeps pounding at the thought! Listen to that pounding heart. Even though you are on cloud-nine love…
Dating a single Dad might seem like a romantic adventure—stability, mature adventures brought by his huge experience, maybe even a touch of glamour if he’s got money. But peel back the layers, and, girl, you’ll find a combo: chaos, emotional traps, landmines, and family boom-barks that could leave you questioning your sanity. Here is what they don’t tell you about stepping into the territory of dating a single dad.
Picture this: You’re 23, fresh-faced, and dazzling, and you’ve caught the eye of a wealthy Mr. Lwasa. He’s got the Range Rover, the sprawling house, and his smile, though lips are surrounded by grey bits of beard, promises the world. You’re thinking, “Jackpot!”—until his kids, who might be closer to your age, start treating you like an adolescent. Worse if they are fellow girls.
At family dinners, they smirk, ‘Lil’ Mama just here for Dad’s cash.’ Then there’s the ex-wife, his kids’ mother, a storm brewing on the horizon. She’s not just bitter—she’s out to ruin you. She’ll slap you with the ‘husband snatcher’ label all the way. In our African communities, where rumours fly like kites, you’ll hear, ‘That young girl broke a good home,’ even if their divorce predates your birth. Her wrath might escalate to public confrontations—picture her rolling up to his gate with her sisters, shouting, “Leave my family alone!” while neighbours record it for TikTok. Equation one, keep it.
Now imagine you’re a university student, 21 and carefree, dating a divorced man whose kids are practically your classmates. Awkward doesn’t even begin to cover it. You’re at the beach when his daughter, who sits two rows behind you in class, spots you kissing him. ‘Dad’s new girlfriend is that chick from my lecture hall’ isn’t a feeling the ex-wife will like. Equation two.
The Ex-Wife’s Wrath: A Force of Nature
Ex-wife, or better put, the mother to his kids, isn’t just a footnote—she’s a tsunami. African family ties are ironclad and whoever bears a child for a man will forever be ‘wife’ even after years of break-up. So, she’s got a permanent VIP pass into the life of a single dad you’re dating.
If she’s scorned, she’ll turn the kids into her spies, charging them, ‘Don’t let that woman boss you around—she’s not your mom.’ And then there’s the witchcraft angle—yes, This Is Africa, and it’s real. She might swing a few spells your way, and you might fail to bear children, and this will forever haunt the hell out of you. Or she might turn the whole narrative against you: ‘That witch of a woman must be the cause of my children’s poor performance in school’ or ‘she placed my man in a bottle!’
Constant Comparisons: You’ll Never Measure Up
Get ready to live in ex-wife’s shadow. Get ready for ‘My mom used to make ugali just the way Dad likes it,” and ‘Mom used to braid our hair better.’ He might not even mean to, but he’ll sometimes accidentally drop lines like, ‘Oh, Sarah used to handle the kids’ tantrums so well.’ The insecurity will creep in fast—every move you make is weighed against her legacy. If she was the ‘perfect wife’ in his family’s eyes, good luck winning them over. His mother might even say, ‘We liked Sarah better. She had manners,” right to your face. You’ll feel like you’re auditioning for a role, and the pressure to outshine her can turn you into a paranoid wreck.
The Kids’ Resentment: You’re the Outsider
Those adorable kids? They’re mini gatekeepers. They’re not so angelic when they see you as the enemy. If they’re young, they might cling to their dad, crying, ‘I want Mommy!’ every time you’re around. If they’re teens, expect sass, sabotage, or outright rebellion. They’ll test your patience—throw jokes at you, ‘forget’ to invite you to their games, or accuse you of ‘replacing’ their mom.
In extreme cases, they’ll team up with their mum, texting her, ‘She yelled at me today,’ even if you just asked them to clean their room. Discipline them? Forget that. ‘You’re not my real mom!’ And if you do not discipline them, your man will not like it, in case the single dad cares about their proper upbringing. Dilemma!
The Financial Drain: His Kids Come First
If he’s a rich single dad, you might think you’re set—until you realise his money is tied up in school fees, child support, and keeping his ex-wife’s temper at bay. Your dreams of weekend getaways? Cancelled because ‘Junior needs new shoes.’
If he’s broke, it’s worse—you might end up footing the bill for his kids’ needs just to prove you’re ‘supportive.’ Either way, your wallet and your pride take a hit. And if ex-wife controls the purse strings (say, she shares a joint account for the kids with their dad), she’ll use it to flex her power, leaving you feeling like a beggar in your own relationship.
The Online and Offline Attacks: Public Humiliation
In the age of X and TikTok, drama doesn’t stay private. Ex-wife might screenshot your posts, twist your words, and rally social media ‘in-laws” to tear you, Miss Gold-digger, apart. You’ve definitely watched TikTok Lives dedicated to bashing ‘husband snatchers,’ haven’t you?
The Widow’s Curse: A Dark Twist
What if he’s a widower? You’d think it’s simpler—no ex-wife to fight. Wrong. In many cultures, a widow’s memory is sacred. His late wife’s family might see you as disrespecting her legacy, especially if you’re young and ‘too modern.’ They’ll say, ‘She’s erasing our daughter’s place,’ and pressure him to honour her by staying single. If you move into ‘her’ house, expect whispers of her spirit haunting you—stories of flickering lights or strange dreams. His kids might cling to her memory harder, rejecting you as an imposter, while his in-laws guilt-trip him into keeping you at arm’s length.
Dating The Broke Single Dad: You’re the New Breadwinner
Not all single dads are rich. Say he’s a struggling mechanic with three kids and you didn’t know that situation afore—his charm wins you over, but soon you’re the one buying their school uniforms. He’ll say, ‘The kids come first,’ and you’ll nod, dipping into your savings for their lunch money while he promises to ‘sort things out.’ Meanwhile, ex-wife might mock you— ‘She’s his new ATM’—and his relatives start hitting you up for loans. Your dream of a new phone or a girls’ trip? Gone. You’re stuck funding a family you didn’t create.
The Long-Distance Ex: A Hidden Threat
What if the ex-wife has moved abroad for work—say, to Dubai or some Arabian country—but still pulls the strings? She’ll do a video call in the middle of the night to speak to the kids daily, just to keep her influence alive (you know the time differences, don’t ya?), and send passive-aggressive texts to him like, ‘Tell your girlfriend not to overstep.’ If she’s got money, she’ll outshine you with lavish gifts—new PlayStations or iPhones for the kids while you’re stuck bringing homemade snacks, sweets or nothing at all. Sometimes she’ll drop into the package a tee for him just to possess him. And he will not decline, men love being gifted.
I love hearing from you, my ladies. So, let’s share some more experiences on dating a single dad in the comment section.
Also read; Dating a Single Mom: A Ride You’re Not Ready For
Compiled by Mwesigwa Joshua
