Dembe, a song that I love with my heart of hearts, is that one piece that made me go to extreme ends in the course of recording it, arranging it, and distributing it. Boy, was it hectic!
Sample escapade: as the Nymy Media team leader, Mr Odwako Isaac, and I were brainstorming ideas for the cover art, a crying smile came to mind. Visualise a two-sided face; one with messy hair and sad, the other clean-shaven and elated. I was required to take one studio picture with messed-up hair and tears running down my face, then shave, clean up, and take another where I looked chic. The two would be halved, and a half of each put together to form you-already-know-what. On top of that, I had to smear ginger-like stuff on my eyelashes to hurt my eyes hard enough to get a Nile gushing out of them, to demonstrate emotion. Red-hot doesn’t describe the feeling enough, Compadre!
In that event, Isaac sadly had not the scantiest idea about the situation of the chap he was working with, AKA myself, which was that I was under some duress, for deficiency of a better expression. I was forbidden from cutting my hair. Who by? Not clan members or some ethnic folk. Nay, it wasn’t even some divine Samson thingy. It was by My Girlfriend, who, in her highly placed opinion, I am some hottie when I have my crown (read: hair) on.
But pig-headed as I sometimes tend to be, more so about my craft, I did cut the hair anyway. And when she saw my Bien-like head later that night, her face gave the horrifying countenance of Archie Waters from Pretty Little Liars (Read on even if you haven’t watched the TV show). So, as a way to calm her, I had to do what I am gonna teach you tonight. Spoiler: it has everything to do with that magical line in Agenze by Bebe Cool, “Bwendisobya olituula nange nonkubamu embokko zange musanvu,” being a smooth-talking criminal.
About that Bebe Cool line, come to think of it: which grown-A man declares to his wife that he accedes to being punished for his misdeeds? Well, simple. That’s a man who has cheated, and yet wants to keep his woman. And boy, those lines are some type A manipulation vibes. Hats off to whoever crafted them.
You see, every relationship eventually produces that one inelegant moment where you get caught tongue in cheek. I mean that one casual moment when, as she lends a hand to trim your bushy beard (so she has whatever sharp object she is using by your neck), asks you, “Babe, who is Amanda?” In that moment, you are at the edge of joining your ancestors six feet deep.
This is the moment where smooth talkers, stroke smooth criminals, are made. Not the loud ones. Not the charming ones. The strategic ones, Rashad Tate type (from 50 Cent’s Power TV series).
In relationships, smoothness is not about words. It is about timing, posture, tone, and psychology. It is about understanding who your partner is at their weakest, and instinctively pressing that button while pretending not to know where it is.
Let’s paint you a picture
Say, she catches you stealing a glance at another girl’s balloon-like rear while you walk hand-in-hand with her down the street (a trespass that happens a lot by the way, that even the Popest of men is guilty), or she stumbles on you staring at a BBL on Instagram, or watching a view-once, or finds out you frequent OnlyFans. She doesn’t yell. That’s how you know you’re in hot soup. “So, you like girls like that?” she asks, seemingly harmless. The amateur defends. The professional reframes.
A smooth operator doesn’t deny the evidence. He dissolves its meaning, at least that’s what Annalise Keating from the How to Get Away with murder TV show would say. This is what you gotta do: You sigh first. You look tired, not guilty. Then say something like:
“Honestly? I think it’s insecurity on my part. Sometimes I admire what I don’t think I deserve.” Underline the words insecurity and deserve thickly.
Now watch what happens. The accusation shifts. The spotlight moves from your wandering eyes to your self-worth. If your partner is the nurturing type, this triggers her care-giving instinct. She reassures you and forgets to interrogate.
If she is the proud kind, follow with: “But I know you’re the kind of woman who doesn’t compete with girls on screen or the streets.” You have turned her ego into your shield. Kudos!
If, say, you’re caught with a not-so-innocent text from that one-night-stand girl, first, know that this one requires theatrics. Then, if she is a bossy, dominant woman who feels the urge to exert power and order you around, don’t explain. Explanations are resistance. Instead, coil and shrink into submission. Speak softer. Use self-deprecation like currency.
“You’re right. I don’t have your discipline. Sob, sob. I mess up because I’m weak. You need to teach me how to be perfect like you.” Don’t project your flaw onto her with “But you also text Johnny all night.” Women have read about gaslighting and can detect it. Besides, it propagates anger. Look for an alternative that calms it.
Escalate into symbolic surrender: call her Mummy, Queen Victoria, etc, and do not pause at any moment to allow your smart brain tell you how foolish you are looking, because I tell you hell hath no fury. You will salvage your respect later. For now, survive first.
Also, be the gentle lamb, offer to massage her feet, do her hair, paint her nails; women like these little fine things, dear men; take their guard off. Do not offer gifts, as most chaps erroneously would. Else, you are creating an opportunity for future extortion, whereby your every single slip-up will have to be wiped away only by money or shopping. Shopping is transactional. Submission is emotional. You are not fixing the problem. You are flattering the power structure. And power, when fed, forgets.
Situation three: You forgot her birthday!
This is where emotional mirroring saves you. If she is a woman who feels unseen, you don’t apologise for time, you apologise for absence. “You’re not angry because I forgot your day. You’re angry because it feels like I don’t choose you.”
This sentence disarms most women. It tells them you understand them. You validate their pain. You are emotionally fluent. She starts explaining herself. You stop being the defendant and become the translator of her feelings.
Situation Four: You’re caught pants down!
This is nuclear territory, my brother. Smoothness here is not about innocence. It’s about emotional redirection. Foolish men will deny or throw shades, and from where she’d be standing, she would copy that you’re trying to make her feel like a foolish rug; never taunt the jury, or you are headed straight for the gallows.
If she is a woman who prides herself on being irreplaceable, your move is to look ashamed, not scared, and say: “I didn’t do it because she mattered or I loved her. I did it because I didn’t think I deserved someone like you.” You are reframing betrayal as self-sabotage.
NB: Intimacy with another person, to women as opposed to men, is not what’s most hurtful; it’s whether you love that person that would break her. You know what to do with that information, don’t ya?
If she is competitive, you emphasise how inferior the other woman is, not physically, but emotionally. “She doesn’t challenge me. She doesn’t scare me the way you do.” Fear is a compliment in disguise. Note that.
Now let’s be honest about something. Every partner has psychological pressure points.
Bossy partners want submission and validation of authority. Insecure partners want reassurance and exclusivity; highly moral partners, confession and visible guilt; proud partners, admiration and superiority. Caretakers crave to feel needed. Emotionally distant partners want calm, not chaos.
Smooth actors don’t fight these traits; they lean into them. If she is controlling, you surrender harder (but only in that moment, not forever, you are the man, remember). If she is anxious, you soothe deeper. If she is empathetic, you break emotionally. This is not love per se. This is a strategy. And it works. Often.
Why It Works (And Why it Could Eventually Fail)
Smooth talk works because it doesn’t address facts, but identity. People defend who they believe they are more fiercely than what actually happened. But here is the quiet truth no smooth operator likes to admit: every time you escape accountability, you deposit distrust.
Every time you manipulate forgiveness, you weaken the foundation. Your partner may forgive you, but something shifts. Her intuition sharpens. Her patience shortens. Her love becomes conditional and watchful. You become someone she manages instead of trusts. Smoothness keeps the peace today; honesty builds the relationship tomorrow.
One makes you clever, the other makes you safe. And eventually, every relationship demands to know which one you chose.
Last but never least, if you’re wondering what I said to Girlfriend when she snapped about my shaven head, here we go. I didn’t allow her the luxury to spiral. “It’s Isaac’s fault. I don’t know why he keeps asking me to do unworkable stuff. Now my hair is gone, and my girl is mad. You think we should forgive him, babe?” She started blaming Isaac, instead of me, and I kept defending him. That’s blame-shifting, dirtying-and-cleaning all in one breath. It works wonders.
Some comments. Compiled by Mwesigwa Joshua
